“…or perhaps we could leave the poor General be. I don’t know how well his hair would take to being dunked in a bathtub with a puppy. I’m not sure he’d be entirely as intimidating if he were forced to undertake command of his insubordinates while sporting a giant frizzy Sephro.”
“Ah, you are undoubtedly correct, my dear,” came the low voice, emotion traceless within it, should it even reside there except in the dry, considerate tones of an exchange of facts and potentials. “If the General is unable to fulfill his hair’s maintenance, my aid is at your request, should you wish to put a soothing or even experimental hand to it.”
outofcharacter. I apologize for the lengthy post, as I do believe that this is of importance to where it shouldn’t be under ‘Read More’. Aerith-mun, I think I should speak to you on a normal basis rather than speaking formally as I have always done on here in character and out of character wise. It’s okay that you can’t elaborate on what you were saying as I have already got the gist of what you have meant to say. I wasn’t sure on what to say because your message has blown me away, but I had to gather myself before I could speak and say what is on my mind.
Some of the things you have sent personally to me is sent to your inbox, but the rest I am posting on here. Why do you say you don’t belong? Who are “you people”? This is actually breaking my heart you are feeling this way. Do you know how much you mean to me, Aerith-mun? Do you even realize? I know we do not know each other on a personal level, but right now I wish I could hug you and tell you how important you are to me. You don’t blend in the dirt and your place is not anywhere but here with the rest of us all.
I knew that I had something to do with you being upset judging by what you have said. I couldn’t ignore the feeling that I have done something wrong and honestly, this has caused me distress. As for Sky-mun and I—yes, we do seem to compliment each other and yes, she is quite a fantastic writer, but you know what? You are just as wonderful. You’re a phenomenal writer and your writing is so impeccable that sometimes I envy your style. So what if you are unable to make Aerith get “down and dirty” with Sephiroth? So what? People enjoy our interactions just as much and I do too as well. Believe it or not, there are some things I cannot do myself, but it doesn’t stop me from setting the bar for myself and striving to improve myself. We all aren’t perfect—we all struggle just as you do, but for that very reason, we are here to learn from each other while having fun.
Do you know how much I admire you as a writer and person? I don’t understand why you are using “oil and water” to describe yourself when you are not. Every time I see you on my dash, you make me smile. You brighten up my day. You are very intelligent, witty, kind, and just plain endearing to where it’s just positively unbearable. I don’t understand why you believe you don’t belong here—I really don’t. Several people adore you and I guarantee you if they will not hesitate to express their sentiments concerning you. I’m sorry to say, but I don’t belong to any clique. I despise being apart of what can hinder me, and I do not interact with only a small group of people. If anyone speaks to me, then I will speak to them. Who they are and where they come from doesn’t matter to me at all whatsoever. You fit in with all of us, you are perfect as you are, I don’t care if you grew up in a place that is a war zone—it won’t stop me from talking to you regardless, and I sure as hell don’t care how much you cry and rant to me because I care for you as a friend. Yes, I do have a family here, but that family includes you as well.
You are my friend.
You are my family.
You have a place in my heart just as several others do.
Aerith-mun, you are not alone and I am here for you whenever you need me. I cherish the friendship in which we share. Please, don’t leave. Please don’t cry anymore.
I’m so sorry.
What has happened, that this has fallen apart so viciously at the seams? *Stands quietly, brows furrowed deeply and lips turned downwards in quiet agony* Has it all lasted only a breath, and now leaves us despair only and tears?
You two. *Arms raise and point solidly at Aerith-mun and Seph-mun* Whatever has come to pass between you two, it is not worth the flicker of a lash. Maybe I am blind, and very possibly, I am wrong. *Voice grows tenuously quiet, withholding emotions* …but there was an elaborate and beautiful string there that entwined around you both, that cast you two together on no uneven ground, that left me open-mouthed with awe and wonder.
I sat here, one day after another, and saw you two interacting. I saw the joyous flicker of excitement, the raised brows and parted lips of astonishment and wonder. I saw the intrigue and the curiosity; I saw the desire to taste and know the other—in the purest way I have ever known someone myself—through writing.
I stood back and cast aside guise and care for repute to throw my shoulder into this pairing. But only a pairing? *Scowls and laughs bitterly, the eyes settling quieter and more patient* …no. You two had a chance meeting that spiraled into a strange, unusual relationship—filled with exasperation and stunted ends, daring and patiently pushed boundaries, awkward happenstance, well-knit circumstance, and ploys by all those around you—myself most of all.
Was there beauty in this combination? Perhaps it was more the disheveled tumbling of puppies still learning to walk, bumping into and falling against each other as you tried to find your footing, learned—by situation—how to stand on this unusual, turbulent, swiftly changing ground. *Voice falls into a self-examining whisper* Maybe we rushed it. Maybe we pushed too hard, and it led into higher and higher expectations, or fuller and profound disappointments. Maybe it led to misunderstandings. Maybe it left you without what you sought… what you thought you sought, or without anything at all to make sense of, and no way how you should try.
Where did the world fray and unravel? How could you think… *Turns to Aerith and gently grasps her in shaking arms* …that I would have let you fall? Or that I would assume that you would be hurt by this?
…perhaps I am the biggest fool, because I trusted that this would be beautiful—and that it would astonish me, and turn me into second-best silence again. That I would lift you out of my arms and sit behind, as you capered and cantered at the side of a man I thought worthy, and who I still think commendable and delicate… *Voice fades, eyes narrow softly with regret* Enough to keep you well.
…and I am no one’s father to be giving you away. I crossed the line—I am sorry that my shortsightedness, or my unthinking whims, brought pain upon you.
Because I… truly thought that this would make you happy, and show you that someone else loved you… much like I do.
And I’m not perfect. I haven’t the mastery of words either of you possess. I don’t find myself capable of standing up to your abilities on an everyday level. Not yet. I fear to misguide you, and worse—I fear to care so much that I risk hurting you. And that I wind up insulting someone I respect. *Turns gaze quietly on Sephiroth-mun as well* …this has been a blow to you, a wound, and it has grieved you enough to shake the foundations of my emotions, and I…
I don’t know if I am even able to do anything about it, except to write text and pretend I can hold you, and try with what meager—always meager—ways I can, to show you how precious a light you have been, and always will be. …you have great pains in this world, Miss Aerith… you have trials I could not ever dream of facing. …but you still come down and sit with me, and as I sit there in this world observing, you chance by and spread your skirt, let it billow out and cover my knee, and remind me of who I want to be… a gift-giver. A life-bringer. A person whose very name will light the sunshine in someone’s eyes. Who can kindle passion and tears, agony and love, all in the same instance, until emotions are confused and you’re left uncertain whether to cry or laugh, and end up hugging the gift given to you close—and do both.
…I still know only so much about you, dear. And I have only just met Sephiroth-mun. *Eyes rise to graze those of the mun behind the man* …but I do not think I have ever chosen wrongly in friends. And maybe I am more willing, or more expectant of the risk of losing my trust when I have given it all than most. …maybe this pain is one you cannot handle… and I fear that. I fear that the most. That I have wounded you grievously, solely because I thought that to give you away into the arms of another man who seemed to me wonderful and an aspiration ended up placing you into a situation that you found yourself injured by.
…Sephiroth-mun… I still want to stand with you. And I want to tell you how greatly I am astonished by you—by your talent, your portrayal, and the faint edges of a personality behind the muse that I have seen. I do not know you. I am not so foolish to say so, when I know I am wrong. But I am willing to walk with you, if you are to walk with me. At this time, however, my instinct cries out for me to protect her, and… perhaps it is not my place. And perhaps I am overstepping my boundaries.
…maybe I already have gone far too far.
*Casts eyes downwards*
…I am sorry… that what this led to… was pain…
*Voice drops into a whisper*
…because I wanted this to be happiness.
*Glances between you both, a quiet adamant look in pained eyes*
…and I still do.